I’m in Beijing – whaaaaat?

It’s been a little over a month since I actually had to follow through with my insane decision to move to Beijing for a year. And up until I said goodbye to my parents at the airport, I can honestly say no tears had been shed (except to say goodbye to my dog!) nor had I truly considered what I was really doing.

I decided to move to China in a real spur of the moment decision. I knew when I graduated that I had absolutely no intentions of getting a “real job”. When people asked me what I wanted to do with my law degree I would brush them off or change the subject – for me, seeing the world was the only thing I really felt passionate about. My lifelong career would still be waiting for me when I came home.

Having already lined up a job to work in Italy for a year – which was close enough to home that I could even fly back for a long weekend but giving me the opportunity to learn a language and fulfil my desire to get out of Scotland, I realised that it didn’t fill me with the excitement I was looking for. I wanted somewhere more challenging. Somewhere I didn’t have the option to fly back home when I missed my family. Somewhere I was completely on my own. So, when a friend told me about their friend who was working as an ESL teacher through an agency in China, I took that as a sign and I emailed the agency asking for more information.

“Asking for more information” as it turned out was more akin to “asking for a job”. Within a day of emailing, I was offered 3 different ESL teaching jobs. The school I selected wanted me to start ASAP therefore, the process moved very fast. After a stressful – and incredibly expensive (thanks mum and dad for supporting me!) process, within 5 weeks of accepting a job at a kindergarten school, I had arrived in Beijing.

It’s not all been sunshine and rainbows. Living abroad is hard. Especially in a country that is so different from your own. When I arrived, I expected to step off the plane and see the Great Wall of China in one direction and the Forbidden City in the other. Well, as it turns out, Beijing is huge (seriously, the population of Beijing alone is over 3x that of Scotland!!) and I am over 2 hours away from these tourist attractions.

There has been several times when I have wondered whether I am cut out for this life – especially in the first few days – but then something happens and I am reminded of why I wanted to come in the first place. For adventure, for travel but – above all – to escape the status quo with which I had become so content. I’ve been mulling over the idea of writing a blog since I arrived and I thought there’s no better way to start than by discussing all the seemingly insignificant things that is often overlooked when people think about a “gap year” in China.

1. It’s overwhelming AF
   The first day I arrived, I cried so hard it took about two days for the puffiness to leave my face. There was just so many people and none of them looked like me and all of them looked at me. Most people in Beijing are rude especially to foreigners and to foreigners using public transport. Getting on the subway the first time was terrifying. Next, I had countless medical checks where I was prodded with needles and many other tests which I did not understand because (and i cannot stress this enough) i do not speak any Chinese. By this point, I was desperate to find out more about my school and colleagues but my agency worker knew no information leaving me to wonder if I was the only foreigner in the whole of Beijing.
   More than once, I phoned my parents asking them to book me a flight home because I couldn’t stay there any longer. The first flight out wasn’t for a couple of days (and for that I am now so grateful) but at the time I remember wondering how I would manage even two more hours in Beijing rather than two more days.
   I remember thinking I had made the biggest mistake of my life and wondering how stupid I had been to get myself into such a situation. The idea of staying for a full year sounded incredulous at this point.
   
2. It can be really fucking lonely
   I am a fan of my own company. In fact, at home, I often choose my own company over anyone else’s (sorry friends and family) but in China, I have realised that there is a huge difference between choosing your own company and having it forced on you. The second option I don’t like so much.
   I am lucky that I have work colleagues who are sociable and like to go out however, there are inevitable times when people are busy and you are left to your own devices. The problem I have is that even though I have no problem with speaking with people, I lack confidence in actually meeting people. I don’t like being pushy or forcing friendships on people and would rather wait about and be asked to do something instead of being proactive and risk being told no. Seriously, even writing that down I can see how stupid it sounds but it’s just the way I am. I am trying to take small steps to extrovert myself however, in a city that is so big, one cannot help but sometimes feel so small. Because of this, it is easy to retreat into your shell and let the outside world pass you by. I’m still working on this.
   
3. Teaching English is a real job
   I know the majority of people see me moving to China as me pressing “pause” on my future career but it really isn’t. What I’m gaining here is the opportunity to work and live abroad and the chance to learn a new language and a new way of life. In the month I have lived here, I have been challenged more than I ever had in any past jobs I have worked at. I work in a kindergarten with 26 crazy children in my class. My hours of work are 8-5 but 90% of the time I’m in school from 7am and don’t leave until after 530. You are constantly on the go. It’s a half teaching half babysitting job that never really lets up. This is lightyears away from previous jobs working in retail when short shifts were the norm and when work was over, you went home. I have parents texting me all night, I have homework to look at, lessons to plan. Teaching ESL kids is a 24/7 job.

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4. The culture shock is insane
It should come as no surprise that China is different from the UK. But seriously, I was not prepared for how different it is. Even the most simple things such as getting milk from the shop is a challenge. Seriously, THREE times I have returned home from the shop and discovered what I bought was actually yogurt and not milk. You can imagine how much this ruins your cup of tea!
Furthermore, in China, your phone is your lifeline (even moreso than in the UK) – nobody uses cash, everyone goes between two apps (WeChat and AliPay) and those apps are used as bank cards, social media networks, for online shopping, paying all your bills, ordering taxis and everything (and anything) else you can think of. Seriously, I just checked and using these apps, you can legit get a single slice of watermelon delivered to your front door within fifteen minutes.
And I know I have already mentioned it but seriously, Chinese people are RUDE. I’m not sure if it’s due to how many people live in Beijing or if it’s just a culture thing but it is seriously a dog-eat-dog world here. On the subway, people fight to get past you if there is a seat available to sit down. I had a middle-aged man nearly deck me trying to sit down before I got there first. The same goes for walking down the street. At first, I found myself trying to be polite by moving out of people’s way but now I often collide with people walking because most people are so glued to their phones and just don’t have basic manners to move out the way.

5. Pollution
The amount of people who exist has probably contributed vastly to the pollution levels which was something else I was not prepared for. Despite the city’s attempts to reduce them, pollution is still a huge problem in Beijing. This inevitably means that you will get sick. But, unfortunately, getting sick a month into a new job just isn’t an option so you tell yourself that it’s all mind over matter and you keep plodding along and hope that you don’t keel over in the middle of teaching a class.

6. You need a VPN for everything
Much of Western internet websites are barred in China. This doesn’t just include social media websites such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Whatsapp but many search engines as well. The phrase “i’ll Google it” has long since been replaced with “let me check bing”. I use a VPN on my phone to keep up to date with my family and friends back home but the connection is often unstable and rarely works unless I’m in my flat therefore, it is very easy – especially during the week – to go days without accessing your social media websites. Even to start this blog was a challenge because many of the other blogging sites are powered by Google and therefore barred in China.

7. Everyone stares at you
Even after a month, I have not got used to the stares. I walk to work and people look at me, I go on the subway and people look at me. The first time I started loading up the leg press in the gym, the personal trainer came running over trying to get me to stop. That was embarrassing. After rattling out 3 sets of heavy leg press, I think he understands me a bit more now though it still doesn’t stop everyone from staring every time I pick up a weight.

8. It truly is a different world
After a month of living here, I do feel I have settled in quicker in some ways and longer in others. It’s not always ideal but I don’t regret coming here for a minute. The time difference sucks, missing my family sucks and the thought of missing Christmas really really sucks but the upsides and the possibility of what I still have to learn outweighs any potential negatives. I am trying to embrace everything that this crazy journey throws at me. I read once that 23 is supposed to be the peak of your life and if that’s the case then I don’t want to spend it studying every weekend, working in an office or – God forbid – sitting at a till asking customers if they found everything they were looking for. In Beijing I have been provided with the opportunity to learn more about myself than I ever had before. In a city filled with so many people, I have been given the opportunity to make myself into anyone I want to be. Let’s see what I can do with that.